Can You Forgive And Forget Or Forget To Forgive?

We all grew up thinking that to forgive is to forget; that in order to be happy, you have to let go all of the resentment and grudges that you have been holding in your heart. Let go and move forward. But in reality, it is easier said than done. You can try and erase the pain but the scars will remain.

As I was writing my book, I asked myself, “Can someone truly forgive and forget or is it possible to stop resenting someone without forgetting what they’ve done?”

That question stayed in my mind the entire time I was writing Dangerous Kiss. Samantha (the main character of the story) witnessed how her family died. The moment she loses everything, she is consumed by anger, resentment, and hatred. She is forced to live someone else’s life while trying to seek justice for her family. For years, she lives in darkness with only vengeance on her mind. When the time comes that she can finally avenge her family, Samantha is torn between what her mind remembers and what her heart wants. And that takes me back to my question: Can she truly forgive and forget or is it possible to forgive without erasing the pain?

Samantha has taught me that forgiveness does not mean forgetting and forgetting does not mean forgiveness. Rather, it is love that conquers everything. And with love comes acceptance. You don’t have to forget the pain but you can move forward by accepting the fact that people make bad choices and you can choose not to be like them.


Samantha chooses to forgive even if it will take her forever to forget. She decidesto keep all the memories and pain and use them as a lesson: to love is to forgive and to accept is one way to help yourself forget.

This piece was originally written by FLVenus.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: